So I came across this article today at the XOJane website. You can read the article here. Long story short… the author thinks moms are horrible, selfish people. After I read it, I felt compelled to say something. My comment is quoted below.
“I’ve been a mom for almost 10 years now. In the early years, I was hormonal, tired, overwhelmed and generally crazed. Having “an alien-like shitter out of your ass, have it clamp onto your nipple, and then never ever go away” will do that to you. But, those were the early days of motherhood. It’s where you try desperately to find your own mom voice while blocking out your parents, your relatives, your mom friends, your pediatrician, hospital staff, well-meaning strangers and just plain rude people. All of whom feel that they can help you raise this human being better than you. That fight to define yourself AND raise a child leads to a strange phenomenon I call the mother moral high ground. In this mystical place, moms have to be right. We have to be (even when we’re not). Because the alternative is to be wrong and steamrolled over by every naysayer that exists. It takes time to be comfortable in your own skin. Imagine how hard it is to be comfortable in the role of mom when no one gives you time to figure it out without judgment. I guess this is where I have a bone to pick with the author.
I agree with the author that some moms can be crazy and selfish. Having a child doesn’t change what you already have in your personality toy box. If you’re lucky, you get enough clarity to dial it down a little in favor of your baby. The problem I have with the author is that she didn’t say SOME. She said “moms are selfish and crazy.” The article was framed as a commentary on how bad biological mothers who raised their own kids are. Period. There was no counterpoint. There was little sympathy. This was a well-crafted exercise in trolling. Much like all the arguments that media outlets use to keep women from mobilizing and exercising our power in society. Take your pick – working moms v. stay-at-home moms, childless women v. mothers, younger women v older women, etc. They all leave us, as women, doing the same useless thing. Focusing our energy on petty things rather than pulling together, setting OUR agenda and moving women to a place of true equality in the world.
I almost took the bait this time but instead I’m going to go hug my kid and remember that I’m lucky to have the choices I have. And I hope time will bring the author an opportunity to diversify her mom experiences. We ain’t all bad.”
I figure that was a fairly calm rant. Now, it’s your turn. What do you think of the XOJane article? Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know.